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The TRIBUTE MASTERCARD is a really "bad credit card". You can get it with barely a credit pulse. You
will get a $300 limit and it will already have close to $200 in enrollment fees but you don't need anything up front and it
reports to all three credit bureaus. Just hide this card and pay down the balance as soon as possible because the lower
your balance the better it will affect your credit. If you can get the ORCHARD CLASSIC CARD below that would be
better, on the other hand if you get turned down for the TRIBUTE card you really need to get the MILLENIUM secured card
pronto!
ORCHARD's CLASSIC MASTERCARD is simply the easiest, LEGITIMATE, unsecured card on the market. If you have a job
and just one existing credit line in good standing you will get this card. Fees total about $90 to get this card
with a minimum limit of $300 however you never want to get close to the limit. Remember: if your credit limit
is below 50% on a revolving credit line, it will improve your credit score...above 50% can hurt.
The NEW MILLENIUM PLATINUM MASTERCARD is a secured card with very reasonable fees and if your credit is shot this
might be the only place to start. You build up debt but have nothing to show for it. Think of it this
way: you can put $300 on account with this card and spend $300. However the less you have on account the better. It will
be reporting perfect payment to all 3 credit bureaus just as if it were true credit. Best case scenario
is don't spend anything and in 6 months after your credit has shot up you can request that they make these unsecured accounts
and get your money back.
The DISCOVER OPEN ROAD gas card is great because you pay zero fees and you get 5% on all gas purchases - with gas prices
these days it means $.15 -$.20 off a gallon and you don't get smacked with any fees. If you pay off the balance everymonth
this card will be paying you to use it but you need good credit. Once you have completed all four steps and your credit
scores have gone up this is the first place to go. Transfer all of the balances on the bad credit cards you took to
improve your credit but leave them open and your scores will seriously go through the roof because the bureaus will see all
kinds of unused credit lines. That's really the secret.
Maybe your credit isn't shot - you just don't have a job and your credit history is limited. Then the DISCOVER
STUDENT CARD is ideal for you. It doesn't require any income or credit history and it has zero fees and good terms.
This is not recommended if you have significant bad credit history.
Don't get fooled, USA PLATINUM isn't a Mastercard and you won't want to try and pay for dinner out with it.
This is a $7500 credit line with a catalog service, much like Speigel's. Everything is overpriced so you don't want
to use it much. Buy your spouse a present and loose the card. This fat credit line will look great on your
credit report as long as most of it is unused. This is a last resort as you pay $149 right up front.
Now, lets roll up our sleeves and start slapping the Credit Bureaus around in Step Four Okay!?
Time 2 Lighten Up A Bit:
Okay, this can be heavy stuff so here is one of my favorit jokes. It is very off-color
but we are all adults here, right? Anyway if you are very prudish we'll meet you at Step Four...the rest of you gather
'round.
You see, this bunch of bikers are hanging around there favorite dive bar late at night when this
incredibly old lady pulls up on a Harley. She looks like the Crypt Keeper with a silver Eva Gabor wig on and she's
got biker leather on, head to toe,
"Hey Boys, I wanna' join your biker gang. How's about it?"
The bikers bust a gut laughing until Paolo, the biker leader, hushes them up and huddles.
"Hey guys, lets have some fun with the old lady, okay."
"Yea, old lady, sure, you can join our biker gang...but first you have to take a test to
make sure your BAD enough." Paulo scowled.
"Sure, bring it on boys. I'm the toughest granny this side of Encino."
She cackled back to the biker boss.
"Okay old lady, first question: Have you ever drank cheap wine?" Paolo
sniggered.
"DRINK CHEAP WINE...shit boy I drink Wild Turkey from a broken bottle with my muffins at
breakfast! It's cheap if you steal it." She cackled.
"Wooo, okay old lady you are tough..." Paolo mocked, then thought of a tougher question. "Okay,
but have you ever...smoked pot?"
The old lady laughed, "I smoke pot, I grow pot and I SELL POT TO KIDS AT THE DAYCARE CENTER...TOUGH
ENOUGH COMPADRE?"
Now Paolo was taken aback. He pulled his biker buds together, "Hmmm, this ones gonna
have to be real tough..."
"Okay old lady, if you wanna be in our biker gang, one more question. Have you ever
been picked up by the Fuzz?"
She looked perplexed, then she looked up.
"Well no...but I've been swung around by the tits a few times!"
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